Blissful Ignorance

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I rather not know that look in your eyes,
I rather not see those lies in your smile,
I rather not understand those falsehoods once said
I rather not know there was no truth in there..


yet I see u preach trust, truth and values..
I wish I could not see those flicker in your eyes..
I wish I could still be blinded by the act...
I wish I could still believe that world is indeed fair-
trust , truth and values still valued somewhere..

I never knew that the truth can hurt
so much more than those lies...
if ignorance is a bliss,
I want nothing more...
I was happier not knowing,
than now when I know it all....

Words of Wisdom as told by Someone..

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(Before you read this post , there are two things that you ought to be informed of....

  Firstly,this post is a special dedication to someone who gifted me back my lost smile one particularly hopeless day!

Secondly... to those ( esp referring to my  buddies aka partners in crime ;)  ) who are yet to be acquainted with this "someone", this post might seem to be a deeply confusing one.

                       So if u are fully prepared to either be acutely confused or extremely entertained , well give this a shot ...because though not exactly my words of wisdom, som1 has gifted some really sweet ideas to be posted :) )

Taking her next big step towards her  ever uncertain life, someone wondered what it is that life has in store for her…will it be all happy faces and smiles or a bunch of uncertainties wrapped in big disappointments…But life is indeed fair and beautiful,someone realized that very soon…It might not be a bed of roses always, but it’s definitely not one  without them…You just have to look at the right places and in the right people to find yours…

                                                                             Life may not always give you what you want, but it does makes sure that you find the strength and the will to embrace whatever it is that it has bestowed you with….It might come as a word of advice or a smile or a nod of acceptance from people close to u….And sometimes it might come in the form of another Someone who might just make it in time to carefully restore a smile on your face or a laugh you just missed…and someone has always been lucky in that regard :) …and yea …if life doesn’t turn out to be the way you wanted,you would always find that someone somewhere  who would make you see that life is indeed the way you wanted,you are somehow watching it through the wrong window - it's indeed greener on your very own side ;).. So as  the "someone " I know says "enjoy the weather” even if it's   cloudy or clear coz u can never know  when you might fancy the sun or  miss the  clouds ;)

A Farewell Note

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Today while clearing the books and other stuffs from college that  would  no longer be needed,I spotted some scribbled papers neatly folded between the pages of a notepad.
I can still remember scribbling down these lines during one of the last days in college, while attending a particularly boring seminar ( Note to self - never attend another national seminars week where even the topics doesn't make sense to you!) .  Here's to my besties without whom I would never have had some of the best times of my life!!

A Farewell Note

It's so often u feel
to go back in time
to those moments you lived
so truly being yourself..
those laughter u shared
with your dear friends..

Now that it's those times
that you would ever want,
and something you know
u cannot have back,
it reminds you of words
left carelessly unspoken..
it reminds you of feelings
kept carefully sheltered..
even the glistering sun
and the drizzling rain
can't make you not love more
the few moments that remain..

If only I could say it
so fully..so truly..
how much you mean
and how often you will be missed..
I fall out of words
my mind is so full..
tears are all I have
to express how dear you are..
I would forsake all heavens
and the greatness it holds
if I could just relive those moments..
speak those words still untold..
express feelings so sheltered
and have you still close....

Wish I Could Be A Child Again

Wish i could be a child again...
When sitting on my father's lap i could chat away all my childish worries....When every question had a definite answer - some that were amusing and some for which i was too small to understand...A world where fairies did come at night to hear your secret prayers and Santa clause could still get you your most desired gift....A time when you knew for sure what is it that you wanted...whatever it is that you wanted..

Wish I could live those moments again..Have a few laughs at my follies..Dance around at whatever small achievements i managed to gather...When my best friend would just be a few blocks away...When I could always be sure of having my mom beside me at bed time checking if am getting my sleep alright...When happiness,sadness and anger were the only feelings to be concerned about and a bar of chocolate or a warm hug was all that was needed to erase out the later two..When its fireflies that keep you up from your sleep ..When RESPONSIBILITY was just another word for your spelling test...When the highest EXPECTATION from you was just to save yourself from tripping down...When it was OK to be ignorant and CUTE to be outspoken..

Wish I  could be a child again,,,When there weren't these many RIGHTS and even more WRONGS....When there wasn't much difference between what it is that you want and what it is that you were supposed to want..When the fights with your best pal wouldn't last beyond a day..When a sorry was all that was required to solve every single thing..When there weren't any masks, suppressed dreams or broken promises... And when you wouldn't have to keep aside or silence your heart's one wish thinking about a trillion consequences...Wish I could be a child again...

''Did I make it late?''

Today as she took the small white box holding her 'kajal' , she was reminded of her mother's words:''You shouldn't wear kajal on your birthday..it's inauspicious...light the 'diya' in the prayer room and come, i have made your favorite 'payasam'''...a smile escaped her lips...her mother's memories always brought back that innocent smile of a little girl on her face...memories that brought along with it the fragrance of sandalwood and camphor...She couldn't remember her mother without that streak of sandalwood paste on her forehead which she dutifully wears after doing her morning pooja..Her mother was always a vision in white 'set mundu' with a thin border of golden thread and the fragrance of camphor that she always placed amongst her clothes in the cupboard.

Birthdays were something she always looked out for most as a kid...not because she expected to be showered with expensive gifts or to be pampered, but for the " rice payasam'' that her mom makes exclusively for her and also for being taken to the 'cinema' by her father, which in itself was a big thing. She used to spend days before her birthday trying to pick the perfect dress she would wear that day....Life was indeed simple then- simple and quite beautiful.

Today marks her 45th birthday.She placed the kajal box back on her dressing table..She thought about what to cook for breakfast before leaving for office...It's going to be a pretty busy day there , this being the month end and the targets assigned are nowhere near completion...Forget about the 'payasam',she just hoped she would get enough time to have something for lunch.
Somehow birthdays always seemed to remind her how much she missed her mother...her childhood..those days of playful harmless carelessness...

The clock struck 7. She made her way to the kitchen .She could hear her husband washing the car.She remembered finding half hidden birthday cards and surprise gifts during the first years of their marriage..It now felt like a whole different era..Somehow, her memories seemed divided into just two - the time before being a mother and after being one...And for some reason, she felt old....May be life wasn't supposed to be always that exciting with candle light dinners and weekend vacations ,she laughed at the future she pictured herself to be in some 20 years back....

Clock struck 8..she watched her husband have his breakfast.He had an early meeting that day. Having hurriedly finished his food, he rose from his seat, grabbed his bag and rushed out towards his car.A minute later she saw him walking in ..."He must have forgotten to take his car keys in his hurry as always" , she thought ....But she was surprised to see him walking in with the keys in his hand..."Did he misplace a file or anything?", she worried..she knew how he hated to be late for office,it spoils his entire day.

He came towards her, planted a kiss on her cheek and said ''Happy b'day dear....I love you...did I make it late?"...''Its perfect'',she replied with the same innocent smile back on her face.....She watched him walk towards the door ..He stopped at the doorstep and turned to look at her - ''Lets go for a movie tonight and then maybe we can dine out...would you like that?"".Looking at her then ,he didn't need her answer to know how she felt...it was right there on her face ....She stood there ..her heart filled with love for the man who she loved to the core.

Life was indeed not all about candlelight dinners or weekend vacations, it was much more than that.. it is about the incomparable joy hidden in that single cup of coffee you share with the one you love ...it's about the miles you walk together , both exhausted and you see him looking at you and asking ''are you ok?''...it's about those messages from him that pops up on ur mobile reading ''i miss u"...and it's also about a simple birthday wish in earnest from him with a mild concern in his eyes as he asks ''did i make it late?''.....she knew that she would never forget those words...Yes, life is indeed beautiful...It's true she did miss her mother's love, her caresses..but wasn't it love that in a changed form that had just filled her heart a while back?....And she was never more sure and happy about choosing HIM because if there was anyone with whom she would want to grow old , share the good and bad times and who would make her feel as the most beautiful women in this world even when she turns 90..she knew its him and only him..

Unsaid..Unheard..

stay...
dont leave..
it isnt time yet...

sit..
take your cup..
sit here beside me..
lets talk and get it over with..

turn..
look back...
read my silence..
know that u r forgiven...

i may never voice these..
but we never needed words..
neither the pleasantries..
did we change so much that,
now all has to be voiced ,rather than felt..

Someday with you..

Someday when I gaze at the starlit sky,
I would know what your eyes look like..

Someday when I hum those songs so dear,
I would know what your laughter sounds like..

Someday when I watch the setting sun,
I would know how it feels to have you by my side..

Someday when I meet you in a monsoon rain,
I would know what a wait truly feels like..

Someday we would feel the morning breeze,
hear the wind's cry and watch time pass by..

And then sitting by your side
when it would be you that I would ever want from life,
I would have finally known
what it is to love and be truly loved...

Heartful confessions..

I hide my dreams
my love and desires
in the deepest corners
of my inimitable heart...
where winds of fear
and waves of tears
don't wash them away
or tear them apart..

the face still wears
a smiling mask,
but harder it is
for my ignorant heart
to not to suffer
the pain of its treasures
being looted away
leaving it broken and scarred..

but yet it smiles,
my ignorant heart..
still ready to endeavour willingly more
with a starlit smile for the one it loves..
and there it is , saying aloud ...
"don't worry my dear..
i will still be around"

The Irony of it all..

Today as i walked through
the empty corridors of my glorious past
memories of my laughter haunted me...

today as i sat by those steps so known..
 once ever so welcome,
memories of all those moments haunted me..

today as i saw the morning blooms,
once ardent spectator of our playful pranks
memories of all those times haunted me...

but why did the rain,
always so welcome feel uninvited this time?
why did every breeze bring about the crackles of our laughter?
why did every droplet remind me of our voices?
did I find myself smiling?
When it was all pain that I was supposed to feel..
did a hum escape my lips?
when you had taken away from me the one tune i truly loved..
did my heart for once abandon my pride?
did it whisper a note of forgiveness?
did it secretly wish to relive those moments?
memories of which I had safely tucked  away,
memories of those bygone past..
did it for once again feel so dear?
And there I hear my soul laughing,
somethings never change! it knew that well...

First step...

Dreams…..everyone hav their own bundle of dreams and crazy wishes safely packed away waiting to be unraveled at some unexpected moment when they decide to take that one magical step that would bring about some of the most beautiful and hearty moments of their life... when they have truly listened to their heart… moments when for once you decide to do something solely for yourself..

I too am a dreamer..most of which would sound  crazy for an outsider , but for me they are reminders of my true self…reminders of the child in me who loves to live, laugh, sing, dance and embrace life in all its vividness and uncertainty ….and here with this blog, I am fulfilling one such dream by taking my first step in finally giving words to my thoughts!!