A Date with the Rain..

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It was 7 in the evening.She had just made it in time for the bus.This time she managed to get herself the window seat.She  could see the conductor trying to make himself heard amongst all the noise in the bus. Lost in thoughts , she wondered whether she had left any work pending at the office. She reminded herself to take the printouts her dad had asked for the last day.As always, she found herself already planning for the next day, her mind restless and tired. It took  a while for her to settle in and look out of the bus.She was startled to find that it was raining !! Had it rained the whole day? - she hadn't noticed and with the next heartbeat she realized how much she had missed them.

                                                                 She loved the rain and everything about it.She could waste away a whole day simply gazing at it, mesmerized by its charm, heeding to its soothing lullaby wrapped up in her blanket or chattering away all her worries feeling the rain kissed wind on her face! She even loved the way the water droplets danced making a pattern of their own, racing each other on the window of her  Volvo bus. She had always loved the combination of the evening sky and rain. It had a charm of its own.,one perfectly complimenting the other.She watched the rain raindrops glistening, dancing with the light from the  lamps outside.

                                                               She could hear one of her favorite songs being played in the radio..Had she been at home, she knew she would have been humming the song in perfect harmony with the music of the rain.- the music that brought back with it a lot of sweet memories. She remembered her vacations spent with her cousins- sputtering rain water on each other and watching with awe the small fishes appearing on the tiny canals  in front of her grandparents home. She remembered sitting in the balcony with her coffee mug and hearing a James Blunt number. She remembered how alluring the rains had looked on the countryside on many of her train journeys , how they spluttered on its window railings.She wondered how she could think of a hundred little things at the same time ! The rain did always cast a nostalgic air about her and somehow she had loved that too.

                               Breaking from the thoughts,she found  herself smiling.She looked around feeling embarrassed to check if anyone had noticed .She had for a fleeting second forgotten where she was.She had traveled with the rains to a world that lay forgotten somewhere within her. She returned to reality surprised and pleased to find that she still loved those small things . She still had that child in her which looked at everything with open admiration without a streak of doubt and bubbling with innocent questions.She had never wanted to lose that child in her..Even when she had been advised with all the practical and tactful ways of the world, she had secretly held on to that child, its innocence and the carefree love it bestowed on everyone and everything without a hint of doubt;the child who after tripping for the umpteenth time still gets up and takes her every step with the same faith as her first .

                                              Nothing much have changed in the bus since she has boarded it.The faces are different now ,she noticed ,  but  in a way it's still the same - the noises and the people.What had really changed was her - something within her. For some reason,she felt at peace with herself . A feeling of  content and fearlessness spread inside her. She felt like  a lost child who had just returned home , drenched in memories , yet all set for her next journey with a renewed sparkle in her eyes.

Some Musical Musings...

"jeene ke liye socha hi na tha, dard sambhalane honge
muskuraoon to, muskurane ke karz utaarne honge
muskuraoon kabhi to lagata hai
jaise hontonn pe karz rakhaa hai
tujhase naaraaz nahi zindagi, hairaan hoon main
o hairaan hoon main
tere masoom savalon se pareshaan hoon main
o pareshaan hoon main..

aaj agar bhar ayi hai, boondein baras jaayengi
kal kya pata inke liye aakhen taras jayengi
jaane kahan gum kahan khoya
ek aansu chhupake rakha tha
tujhase ...

zindagi tere gum ne hamain rishte naye samajhaye
mile jo hamain dhoop main mile chhaanv ke thande saaye

tujhase naaraaz nahi zindagi, hairaan hoon main
o hairaan hoon main
tere masoom savalon se pareshaan hoon main
o pareshaan hoon main.. "


One of those lines i have always loved for reasons i know not.
I stumbled across them at the most unexpected of all places, 
at the  most apt moment and with the right people :)  


Life does has its own way of giving you some really sweet surprises 
and unexpected moments of glee that comes straight from heart :) .


Love your life, because you never know how much it can love you back
 in its own quaint ways.

Single, Happy and Content!!

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Musings Under The Starlit Sky... When i first thought of starting a blog,i never had a clue that i will fall in love with it this much.Never thought that I would have any interest to sit in front of my laptop typing away all those thoughts that amuse me even after spending a good 9 hours in office in front of the computer.And today after having a view at my own blog posts, I guess it's the freedom of jotting down everything and anything that comes to one's mind without the fear of being judged, the main factor that keeps me going.
                   Isn't it the same thing that we search in the people around us? be it in a friend, a sibling, lover or even a personal diary ? To have someone with whom you can always go back and pour your heart out without any fear of being judged.. Someone who would hear all your nonsenses knowing very well that you might not really mean any single word you uttered ...Someone whom you can call up even  at the stroke of midnight  when you feel terribly lonely and is sure to lighten up your spirits....Someone for whom you know you are a priority and not a mere option...Someone who would actually take you seriously when the whole world thinks you are making a fool out of yourself...Someone who will not only forgive you but demand you to forgive yourself first  ...Someone who will see the best in you even when you are in your worst moods.. And someone who would have the courage to let you go ,knowing all the while without the slightest doubt that you will indeed return back ...Or simply someone with whom u can plainly and truly dare to be yourself..
                                     I have been lucky to have some really amazing people in my life who have been that "Someone" for me , be it in the form of my dad, mom, or my best friends... And to all those people who give me a raised eyebrow at my statement of being "happy and single and truly content with it" -- happiness needn't be tied to one  person...A morning walk with my dad in a rainy morning ,amply testing his patience with my splendid plans for the day (half of them which we both know would never materialize, but that still doesn't stop us from having the debate!!) ... a good pillow  fight with my brother (not that he necessarily needs a pillow for that matter! )  ...stargazing with my favorite music being played in the radio, all the while chatting away with my mom ..  fooling around with the best of  friends ....these are more than happiness for me.. ..When you have quite a lot of people who love you with all their heart, you just can't help being happy I guess  **touchwood** ....
                          
                                                                          And as a parting note, here goes my new favourite quote I found randomly, which actually served as the inspiration for this blogpost:
Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and shift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away... 
                                                  Dinah Craik,  - A Life for a Life. 

                                          

All In A Moment...

She looked like an angel, just as the day he saw her for the first time! His eyes soaked in her face as he stood there with her favourite flowers -a bouquet of white lilies.  He knew her more than she ever did  herself . He could always guess her silence which she tactfully hid behind her smiles .He could always catch those "somethings" she hid behind her "nothings" . For  him she was as clear as water . He could always see right through her , a thought that always startled him . His day was never complete without her talks, their  playful fights over the silliest of all things, watching her pour her heart out on every single decision she took  that day and which would always ultimately finish with her asking the same question " did i do the right thing ?". With her ,  time knew no bounds - It was always  on standstill. She was his best friend, his guide, at times his biggest opponent , his love ,  his pride, his world! He found her silly , adamant, innocent , sensible and illogical , all at the same time.
                                                          He could never imagine a day when he would have to wake up without her by his side... when he would have to go back home, to "their home" without  her walking hand -in-hand with him... when there would be no one stopping him from watching his favorite match ...no one to fill the silence , the emptiness - both outside and inside.
                                                         He longed for her touch , her sound, her rustling of his hair , their fights , those texts she left for him,   the endless dreams they knit , the laughs they shared and mostly, the feeling of knowing that she would be there waiting for his return everyday.
He cursed that afternoon he allowed her to drive alone.She wanted to bake his favorite cake, it was his birthday the next day! The department store was just a few miles away. She said it's a surprise and forbid him to accompany her . Tears clouded his eyes as he thought of the injustice - her loss , her life taken away from her for no fault of hers! Love was all that she had in mind . He knew he would have been her last thought when the truck smashed her car . He wondered if the drunk driver knew that it was someone's life , someone's love that was thrown off the bridge that day , all for a drink!! Was that a good enough justification??  ""NO"" - he shouted aloud!! .. She doesn't deserve this .. It wasn't her Fault !!!!" . He let his tears follow their will .He looked at the white lilies he bought for her - she had always loved them  . She said it reminds her of him, he never knew why .. he never asked her why .. now he wished he had. He wished he had told her more of how much she means to him . He wondered if she knew and he realized  that she would have known . She knew him more than he ever knew himself .
                 
                            He laid the flowers near her as he bend down and planted a kiss on her forehead . For a heartbeat of a  second he felt she whe would open her eyes with that smile she always had when he kissed her. He wished he could just stand there beside her forever. "It's time " -  they told him .He didn't want to witness it . After one last glance he turned, walking towards his home .. their home . He knew life isn't going to be the same,but he would move on .. he had to move on ... if not for him , for her!! ... He knew she would have wanted that as he also knew that now it's the only gift that he could ever give her ... his angel ...his love.

Shades of My Memory

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Amusing my mind,
my thoughts take flight..
They seek out  planes
of their own choice..
They speak in riddles,
probing me with questions..
gifting me back a glimpse
of  a long forgotten  life....

What shade is my memory?
 i smiled at my new quest..
will that be a  tint of gray or a vivid blue?
It ought to be a blue-
as deep as the seas..
as wide as the skies..
as missed as the drops of first rain
and as true as the  tears running down my cheeks-
their touch reminding me of  the truth in those moments,
of the pain some gifted and of the smiles some bestowed,
both speaks of a life.. a life  fully lived
with no regrets or decisions to be undone..

They seem to me a fluttering butterfly
so alluring.... yet so unattainable..
I try to hold on , lest they take leave-
to relish those moments , to remember their feel..
yet  i find some slipping away
like those loose sands held in hand..
lost to time..  lost from me,,


A song of solace reaches my heart..
their  farewell note , the softest whisper..
" memories are made , memories are lost..
be it moments of pain or the smiles bestowed,
 it is the people in them that matter the most"

Musings Over Hot Coffee

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If my life was an open book, I would be my most confused reader.
Many a time have I wondered at my extraordinary talent to land myself in totally impossible situations and my immense luck in gaining the most unexpected gifts from them,whether it be in the form of some really useful life lessons or some moments marked by hearty laughs or some truly great people who match my level of craziness ( not to forget an appreciable tolerance too!!). My life never stops to surprise me.
                                              Today sitting by my window , feeling the hot coffee mug held close, I couldn't help having a hearty laugh at the events happening in and around... coz how much ever I run, trip,duck or hide from the course of events, I inevitably end up surprised by the fact that all the way I have been running in circles.. And one way or the other I always end up being back to square one, be it in case of relationships or principles...And the things that have gone right , the people I  have around me as well as the thoughts that guide me are the ones that were my first choices...

                                               It's said that, you will always find success in everything you do for the first time.. Its called  ""The beginners luck"" ... Something that Life ( the most invincible gambler) plays in every new step you take .And may be it's also a way by which Life teaches us  or rather motivates us in its own way  to move on .. to  try things new..  to meet new people.. to create new situations.. to touch new lives... rebuild broken relations...forgive someone .. forget some thoughts...  and most importantly to keep hopes alive & to  keep dreaming coz  "hopes" and "dreams" are two elixirs that keep your heart glowing with the courage to embrace life  with all its twists and twirls - all the while never stopping to fall in love with it  at every turn.
 

Evening Glory

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I had never seen the sea this beautiful before- a dazzling vision in deep blue with a tint of gold rendered by the setting sun ,with the rocks lining the shore shining like emeralds in its glow... the sound of the sea filling my ears ,singing to me a long forgotten lullaby....I could feel the sand beneath my feet slip with every wave coming my way ...I could feel the cool breeze surrounding me play with my loose strands of hair that effortlessly danced to its tunes.I watched the seagulls flying  towards the evening sky ,their cry  a  song of solidarity ; their  flight a sight of utmost joy and freedom.
I knew I could gaze at the sea forever, watch it's ever changing shades, wonder at its depth.. it's timeless beauty..its vastness.. the mystery it holds and yet never get tired of it. And though it  was perhaps the most beautiful dream i ever dreamt, I somehow strangely felt at home.
                                                  
                                        

My Life....My Decisions....

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"If my life is a mess, I will be the one who will clean it up...and i wont lie in it'' - words of Scarlett' O'Hara in the book Gone With The Wind...I remember reading this book a long time back and the first thing that comes to my mind when i think of it are these lines.May be because it's something that many of us tend to forget when we find ourselves in situations that aren't of our choice.
                                                                       Life plays by its own rules and things may not always work out the way we want..The importance lies in how we deal with it..Do we blame our destiny and embrace the current situation with a heavy heart & an ever repenting soul ?or do we finally realize that while we may not be the masters of everything happening around us ,the decision to embrace happiness with an open heart wholly resides within us...And the first step towards this is to accept the situations that cannot be changed  and then do your best to improve it or  make a new beginning from the ashes; rather than living with the problem and nurturing them within you...And in most of the cases you would see that the problem might not be as big as it seems to you and an open talk with your dear one would be all that is needed to restore your happy self...
                                                           And if u ask me what  i do when I am in a mess?? well i have my own 100 percent successfully-tested and proved technique for problem(or disaster.. :) ) management : ie giving my best friend a call and bugging her no matter where ever she is and spilling my heart out..:)...And the added  benefits of following this madness apart from getting over with the mess that you are in includes :
(1). You would get one more loyal partner to curse your situation (or the person behind it :P  ).which in itself  is a huge preliminary stress buster ;)
(2) You actually get to know that there is somebody who cares and will stand by you no matter what and in whatsoever mess you are in. -  something that makes you realize that you are loved and your happiness is no more yours alone, it means the world to the ones who love you! And once you remember this , you know that you aren't alone in the fight ..you have it in you to face whatever uncertainties and situations that come your way and your best comrade is just a call away..;)

                                                    

Of Farewells and Good-Byes...

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''What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks disappearing? - It's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's goodbye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies."-- On the Road, Jack Kerouac

                                  

                                  I stumbled upon these lines today as I was searching for a book to read and couldn't get them out of my head ever since. You can blame my present ‘’grounded in bed’’ state (all thanks to a really bad fever and a more worried mom) for these particularly melancholic thoughts. And if  you are hoping to find some unusually sensible stuffs here, this post is no different.It is nothing more than another of my many  odd musings ;)

                           Goodbyes are something that has always been very difficult for me and something that's happening too often and too quickly these days.The last being for one of the best times I ever had and may be the shortest too.The days of my ILP training….It's one of those times I wish I could just return to and also one of those about which I would like to change absolutely nothing…It was perfect in a way, unexpectedly so! Perhaps it has given me more than what I expected..It  taught me some lessons the hard way which my 4 years of college life couldn't..gave me some friends for life time….a new direction of thought …made some old friends even closer…. some self realizations..my first salary….some great moments of careless innocent fun ,an unforgettable   new-year and much more…

                                   These lines from ‘on the road’ exactly suffices my thoughts on the day I was at the railway station, all packed for home..It was one of those moments when I knew that I was actually bidding good-bye and there is no coming back ...But still there are no regrets coz it has given me some of the most  wonderful gifts to carry forward for my next crazy venture…

                                 And to all those people who gave me one of the best days of my life : u guys are simply awesome…and all those moments of laughter , smiles , pranks , silly jokes ,those night  strolls ,food fights, times at the coffee machine ,the combined studies, and those fun at hostel wouldn’t have been this special hadn’t it been coz of you people…And though I might not get to meet many of u again, the memories you all gifted is priceless..:)…and I still secretly hope that someday I would just bump into some of you and we could just start off the conversation from where we stopped... after all, to expect the unexpected is something that life has taught me these last few months :)